You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
