I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
