Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
