well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
