dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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