i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
