guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
