well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
