...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
