hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
high people should be assigned attendants
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
