how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
