hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
