Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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