Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
