the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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