So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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