apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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