Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
