He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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