my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
