I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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