I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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