it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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