he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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