remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
