i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
