Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
