So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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