if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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