can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
