I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
