end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
