Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
