Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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