One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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