I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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