Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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