ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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