well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
