you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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