I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
