I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
