So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
