I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
