Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
