So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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