The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
