if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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