I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
