Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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