Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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