hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
