Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
