Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
