he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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