I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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