Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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