Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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