no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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