You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
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