Buhtt sex?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
