How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
