we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
