do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
