I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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