One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
