I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The uberlube is also flammable
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
