As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
