i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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