I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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