dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Pants are for mortals
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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