quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
