worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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