you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
