She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize