You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
